Vote Samwise for president!

2 Comments

  1. Andy

    I’m concerned. Half his policies are more of the same old ice cream cronyism that we’ve come to expect from the White House and the “Two-Scoops” in Chief. Samwise rightly prioritizes the pandemic, that seems like a no-brainer. How exactly does he intend to distribute ice cream on Fridays? Is there a subsidy to the dairy farmers to cover their loss on revenue, or are the jerks in the soda shops supposed to cover for Bill Gates’ gold-flaked sundae on Fridays?

    How does Sam plan to keep the cost of ice cream down the other six days a week? Will “government ice cream” be the same ice cream enjoyed by the epicurean elites with their Old World recipes for “gelato” (which is just a fancy cover for ice cream held offshore). Not to mention the impact on healthcare such welfare creams would have! Is free ice cream mandatory?

    What about the lactose intolerance in America? Sam needs to officially condemn anti-ice cream activities by the lactose intolerants. Why don’t we ever see Neapolitan served more? Desegregate of our dessert is the REAL “free” ice cream

    I’m intrigued, but I still have questions. Also, Sam must address the rumors that his brother has been known to have “sticky fingers” when it comes to ice cream (especially when it melts). Keep your laws off my Haagen-Dazs!

    • eaumaison

      You have thoroughly confused Jack and Sam, Ben says “that’s the third or fourth best thing I’ve ever heard.”

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